Gay to gay relationship
AsI think back on the past 24 years of providing couples counseling for gay male relationships, I sometimes get asked what the differences are that I see (in general) in gay male relationships that are (again, in general), different from unbent relationships.
I offer these thoughts to both free and coupled gay men, based on my perspective of what I’ve seen through the years. My experiences and observations as a gay men’s specialist psychotherapist might differ from other gay men, and even other gay male therapists, and we always have to be mindful of not indulging in unfair assumptions, stereotypes, or even prejudices. But since making a relationship labor (which I define, in part, as the relationship’s level of satisfaction for each partner and in its overall longevity and subjective “quality” for each partner) is at least in part based on a skills-building process, skills that I believe are required for a same-sex attracted male relationship to both endure (quantity) and thrive (quality). These are the issues that come up repeatedly in couples counseling sessions:
1. Money– Same-sex attracted m
Relationship Tips for Gay Men
In , I attempted my first 5-day backpacking trip. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Sir Edmund Hillary, the first mountaineer to summit Mt. Everest without supplemental oxygen, once said, “It is not the mountains we conquer but ourselves.” I keep in mind feeling something very similar after my much less significant achievement. I learned that climbing a mountain was much more than a physical feat. The real challenge was cultivating a positive mindset and facing the mental doubt. I felt as if I was conquering myself with every step forward. I knew that if I allowed the self-doubt and inner critic to take over, the next step might head me down the mountain instead of up it. The reward of such perform was the camaraderie with my fellow trekkers and the knowledge that challenging tasks are possible with perseverance.
Reflecting on this life reminds me of what it’s like to tackle the adventure of virtual dating. The prospect of nurturing a romantic relationship can seem quite daunting, but the reward of perseverance and hard work is
Source: image: Betzy Arosemena for Unsplash
Male relationships can run into challenges from the start, because two men coexisting as men don’t own a lot of historical role models. Working out how to be together isn’t intuitive. Some men have internalized homophobic images of masculinity, and contain had to be hyper-masculine in request to get by. Others aren’t cozy with any expressions of perceived femininity in themselves…or in their partners, because of how they see these traits reflecting back on them.
If you’re like most male lover men, you probably grew up feeling somehow “different.” Because you grew up feeling disenfranchised and/or flawed, you may have completely disowned the masculine fire inside yourself, and encountering it in a partner can be disconcerting.
A lack of role models
Most gay couples aren’t exactly surrounded by helpful community resources. The communities in which you exist and work may not know the nuances of queer couples’ lives. It’s also probable that you’ve been attentive in terms of the breadth and depth of the information you’ve mutual with y
What Gay Men Should Expect in a Relationship
Some gay men lay up with a lot in their relationships. Their long-term partners will aggressively flirt with other men in front of them, go home with a guy from the bar without any forewarning, sleep with ex-lovers without gaining consent from their current lover, or brag to their current boyfriends about the quality of their sex with strangers. Ouch.
Here&#;s what I find most concerning. Some gay men don&#;t feel they have a right to be upset about these behaviors. They&#;ll ask me why they feel so jealous and how can I help them let go of their envy. They think that the lgbtq+ community believes in sexual independence and it isn&#;t cool or manly to object to their partner&#;s sexual behavior.
In other words, they feel shame for experiencing hurt by the actions of their long-term partners.
Heterosexual couples acquire plenty of social support for treating their partners with respect when it comes to sex. Outrage is the typical social response when friends are told about poor relationship behavior among straight people. When gay men tell